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When I was a little girl, I had no real expectations of my father. My needs then were simple and easily met. But as I got older, my expectations of him grew, and consequently—as those expectations were unmet—so did my disappointment in him. Every broken promise colored my perception of the world as an unsure and unsafe place. Every act of deception pushed me towards bitterness and indifference. When he left my mother, our home and family, I felt unprotected and vulnerable. Everything my father did, and did not do, left its imprint on my life and my relationships. I was daddy's girl. Every woman is deeply affected by her relationship with her father whether he is present in or absent from her life. Every man who is born of a woman, becomes involved with a woman, marries a woman, or fathers a daughter is also affected by the father-daughter relationship. It is the father who helps his daughter to establish, or leaves her to struggle with, her identity as a female. It is the father who makes her feel safe and protected or completely vulnerable. It is the father who instills a sense of confidence and self-worth or insecurity and self-hatred. It is the father who sets the standard for acceptable or unacceptable behavior in his daughter's male-female relationships. It is the father who shapes or distorts her perception of every boy and every man that she will ever encounter in her life. She is daddy's girl. Man was the first representation of God on earth. When Eve looked at Adam she saw the image of God in Him. Ever since that time, every woman that ever came into existence is expecting to see the image of God in man. If she is able to see it, her role, position, and worth are clear. But if she cannot see it, she feels confused, exposed, and covers herself in shame. Fortunately for Eve, and for all of us, even when the image of God becomes distorted in the man, we can look beyond the man and still see God. As I matured in my faith and began to look beyond my father and see God, my relationship with my father changed. As I embraced God, I was able to release the bitterness and unforgiveness that had marred my relationship with my father. I was no longer held hostage by what he did or did not do. I was able to reconcile the relationship without fear of future disappointment because I no longer had any expectations of him. I had an even greater and more stable standard of behavior to anchor myself to. My perception was no longer distorted because my focus had been shifted and sharpened. I had looked beyond the man and seen God.
To my sisters who have witnessed and become the victim of the distorted
image of God in your father or any other man in your life, all is
not lost. Look beyond the man and see God. He wants you to put your
expectations in Him. You may have to start with the simple things
at first. But even as your expectations in Him grow, He will never
disappoint. Your trust and security will be restored as you realize
He never breaks His promise. He cannot lie. He will not change.
He's always faithful. He'll never leave you or abandon you. He will
establish your identity. He will affirm you and give you a sense
of great worth and value. Everything He does will leave its imprint
on your life and relationships. He is your Father and you will always
be Daddy's girl. Aleathea Dupree is the author of Though
The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate and the Administrator
of the Deep
Waters website/forum. Copyright © 2004. All Rights
Reserved. For permission to reprint, please contact: administrator@deepwaters.info. |
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MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR FATHER |
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