I have not forgotten what it was like to be single, neither have I forgotten what it was like to be thirty-something and single… and I never will. It was a hilarious and sometimes tortuous time. Thinking of those times is a reminder to me that there are a lot of thoughtless comments and actions that some single people are forced to endure. But I have discovered a weapon that answers even the most callous and inconsiderate of comments. Comments such as: "Aren’t you seeing anyone?" or "Aren’t you married yet?" or "Don’t you have any kids?" or "What’s the matter: don’t you like men/women?"

I recall all kinds of pressures from well-meaning (and some not so well-meaning) folks with regard to my state of affairs. Even after I was married, some of the same folks tried to apply a different kind of pressure with questions/comments like: "Are you still living in that little apartment? You should be looking for a house!" or "Are you pregnant? What are you waiting for?" And the list goes on.

It occurred to me that had I been able to answer in the affirmative to these kinds of questions and had things not gone well, these same people would be among the first to suggest that I perhaps rushed into relationship/marriage. If I had gotten pregnant soon after marriage, then I'd either have gotten the "hairy eyeball" (you know: that scrutinizing questioning look that suggests the possibility of foul play before marriage), or a raised eyebrow accompanied by "You didn’t waste any time, did you?" Or if I had gotten pregnant more times than suited them, they would be telling me, "That’s enough now. Haven’t you ever heard of the pill?" Or had my husband and I succumbed to the pressure of moving into a big house right away and not been able to manage under the financial weight, these same people might be the very ones to say, "They should have stayed in that apartment until they knew they could afford a house!"

My point is this: people may have a lot to say about whether or not you’re in relationship/married; or whether or not you’ve reached (or surpassed) the 2.5 kids quota; or whether or not your living arrangements are suitable for the superficial "got to keep up with the Joneses" folks. But the fact is, you are the one who has to live out that relationship/marriage; you are the one who will be responsible for the children — however many or few there may be; you will be the one who has to meet the mortgage, utility and maintenance obligations every month… not them.

How then should you respond to these kinds of thoughtless questions? You can respond with one powerful word that is pregnant with expectancy: YET! When you are next asked if you’re in a relationship or married or pregnant or in a house or any other such question that is designed only to satisfy the curiosity (and sometimes cruelty) of those who in the final analysis are really not significant to the equation, put a smile on your face, hold your head up, look them square in the eye and answer firmly, "Not yet!" (Then swiftly and purposefully head in the other direction.)

Aleathea Dupree is the author of Though The Vision Tarry: Waiting For My Promised Mate and the Founder and Administrator for the Deep Waters website and forum. Copyright © 2007. All Rights Reserved. For permission to reprint, please contact: administrator@deepwaters.info.

View this article online at: www.deepwaters.info/deeper_vol18.htm

Did you miss a past article? Visit our archives: http://www.deepwaters.info/deeper.htm

TWO MILLION HITS AND COUNTING!
To all of you who have come to Deep Waters to be encouraged and to encourage others, thank you! We have been blessed to have over two million hits as of the end of 2006 and we are fast approaching 2.25 million hits as of the posting of this newsletter! We couldn't have done it without you. Keep coming back and letting others know about Deep Waters!

View this newsletter online at: http://www.deepwaters.info/deeper_vol18.htm

Did you miss a previous issue of the Deep Waters Newsletter? Visit our archives at http://www.deepwaters.info/deeper.htm

Deep Waters is Designed and Maintained by Dathea. Copyright © 2007.

Please forward this newsletter at your discretion to those who may benefit.

Deep Waters is a resource website and online forum that provides biblically-based answers to questions that have to do with relationships. The forum includes categories/topics for: singles, men's issues, women's issues, sexual purity/identity, marriage, abuse, finances, divorce/remarriage/separation, and life issues affecting relationships. Get the help you need to make better relationship decisions.

Enter the Deep Waters forum.

"Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory." - Proverbs 11:14
(New American Standard Bible)

[Lighthouse (Singles Issues)] Dealing With Loneliness
Fornication: Is It Worth It?