Yesterday, I watched the Oprah show and the topic of the day was men who are on the "Down Low" (also known as the "DL"). For those of you who are not familiar with the term, it refers (in this instance) to men who are married or have girlfriends who secretly have sex with other men. Those of us who were already familiar with this world of deception know that it is a lot more prevalent that most would think.

The guest "DL" expert indicated that the church is one of his prime target areas to find male sexual partners, both married and unmarried. That in itself is a very disturbing reality. The guest also indicated that one of the contributing factors to this lifestyle is single women approaching a certain age who are desperate to be in relationships. The thinking behind his comment is that single women want to be in relationships so badly that they are willing to put up with any kind of behavior, including men being on the "DL," just so they can be with, or say that they are with a man. That statement, in my opinion, is just another smoke screen to try to justify the behavior, but it touched another area that needs to be addressed.

Many times, single Christian women—intelligent, spiritual women—deny their own God-given intuition that is telling them that something is not right with the men they are dealing with. Instead of breaking things off, or better yet, not getting involved in the first place, some of us have a tendency to compromise our own mental and emotional (sometimes spiritual) well-being… all for the sake of being in a relationship. Instead of seeing the red flags for what they really are, we choose to see them as banners waving us across the finish line from singleness to marriage; all in the name of L-O-V-E.

When it comes to relationships, we would do well to remember the advice that God gave to the prophet Samuel when he went seeking out a man to satisfy the demands of the people (1 Samuel 16:1-13). Samuel selected the man that, from all outward appearances, looked like he had it all together and seemed to fit the bill. But God let Samuel know that the man that Samuel chose—as godly a person as Samuel was—was not the man that God had selected. Man looks at the outward appearances, but God doesn't see how we see; He looks straight at the heart.

A question I get asked a lot is, how will I know that I've met the person God wants me to be with? The answer is simpler than a lot of people care to believe. Ask. Proverbs (3:5,6) says if you ask God for direction and guidance, He'll give it to you. James (1:5-7) says that if you lack wisdom, ask God for it. When you are trying to decide whether or not a person is best suited for you, ask God to reveal the heart of the person to you, and ask early! Don't wait until you're all emotionally involved with the person to ask. Ask right from the start. If God reveals to you that the person is not for you, turn him loose and let him go! The fact of the matter is, if he's not suited for you, you're not suited for him either. Free yourself (and him) up so that God can bring into your life the kind of person that He has ordained for you.

We live in a world that is filled with deception, and as savvy and experienced as we think we might be with regard to relationships, it is not impossible for us to be deceived. Unfortunately, some of us prefer to be deceived rather than face the truth. But, it does not have to be so. Don't allow the fear or frustration of being without a relationship to tempt you to close your eyes to the truth. We don't have to worry about those on the "DL" or any other "L." Open your eyes; look up, and call on the One who is able to look deeper.

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